After Glory comes Shadow and Pain
by Elanor90
Summary: Takes place after the final fight against Glory in season 5. Willow mourns the loss of her best friend and tries to set things straight with Tara, as they hadn't had a chance to talk since their fight in the episode "Tough love". Spoilers for season 5/6
1. Love

**After Glory comes Shadow and Pain**

_Buffy was dead._

That was the first thought that came to her mind, as sleep let her go, and it hit her like a gunshot.

It took Willow a few moments until the feeling of being suffocated slowly ceased and she was able to sit up.

Her eyes darted from one sleeping figure to the next.

They had all gone home to Buffy's house after the fight with Glory. Unable to find any rest, although each and every one of them had been exhausted to the verge of passing out, they had sat together, most of the time in complete silence, trying to grasp the events of the night, trying to understand that their friend, their sister, their _hero_ wasn't coming back. Slowly, one after another, each of them had fallen into sleep and temporary oblivion.

Willow looked at Xander, sleeping upright on the sofa with Anya's head on his shoulder. Next to them lay Dawn, her head pillowed against Anya's lap. Willow sighed, thinking how her peaceful expression would vanish so quickly once she'd be awakening.

Her eyes moved to Giles who was asleep on the single sofa, and then to Spike, sitting on the floor, his head resting against that sofa.

And finally Willow looked at Tara, lying on the floor beside her, on a blanket which was usually used for keeping warm and snugly in front of the TV.

Tara's chest was rising and falling in a peaceful rhythm and Willow couldn't help the feeling of relief filling her, the gratefulness that Tara would be alright, mixing with the pain and sadness of losing her best friend.

Willow thought back to Buffy's first day at Sunnydale High half a decade ago and smiled sadly.

Buffy had changed her life. Not only had Willow gained one of the best friends she'd ever have, but also had she been given a goal. Her life had gotten a new meaning, which went past getting good marks in school and finding a date for prom.

Pain throbbed in Willow' chest, once more making it difficult for her to breathe. Buffy had been the most important person in her life – apart from Tara.

Willow stood up and tiptoed out of the room, careful not to wake anyone. She didn't know where to go, but she couldn't stay there in the living room right now. A shudder went through her body as the irony of the expression _living room_ suddenly occurred to her.

She walked up the stairs without consciously deciding to do so, and ended up finding herself standing on the threshold to Buffy's room.

Taking a deep breath she stepped in. She looked from the neatly made bed, to some clothes thrown carelessly onto the floor, to the big wooden box, wide open, with various weapons poking out of it.

Willow didn't know how long she just stood there, lost somewhere in her dark thoughts, staring at Buffy's things without actually seeing them.

"Willow?" came a soft voice from behind.

Willow took a deep breath but otherwise didn't move, still paralyzed by her thoughts and memories.

She felt a hand on her shoulder, a cautious touch. "Willow, baby?"

Again she took a deep breath, and finally turned around.

"Hey," Tara whispered, and Willow admired her girlfriend's hair, which was glittering in the soft moonlight that fell in through the windows.

"I couldn't sleep," Willow whispered back, her voice barely audible.

"I know."

Tara's hands had somehow found their way to Willow's hips, and then they were suddenly hugging each other, Tara and Willow, holding on to each other as if they were trying to merge, to become one being.

Time stood still as they silently shared their grief, and when they finally broke a few inches apart, so that they could look into each other's eyes, tears were glistening on both their faces.

"Tara, I can't take this;" Willow croaked, staring at her girlfriend with big eyes, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks, and her finger's digging into Tara's hips. "This is too much."

"I know, baby," Tara whispered, her voice unsteady as well. "Buffy... It's j-just... I still c-can't believe it..."

Willow shook her head. "It's not just Buffy. I- Damn it, I was so scared, Tara, so scared." Willow swallowed hard. "I-I was so scared I had lost you. When I found you on that bench at the fair, and that monster disappeared, and you where... I— I—"

Willow broke off, sobbing, a second later feeling Tara's arms enclose her once more.

"Shh," Tara whispered, rocking Willow in her arms. "Shhh."

"I'm sorry," Willow said wiping away her tears. "I'm the one crying, but you're the one that suffered so much more."

Tara shook her head, her face momentarily clouded by the recent memory of being lost inside her own mind. Then her eyes focused on Willow again.

"But you found me," she whispered. "You didn't give me up. You- you still l-loved me although I was j-just an empty sh-shell."

At this Willow's eyes opened even further, and she took her girlfriend's face between her hands. "Of course I still loved you. I will _always_ love you. And if I hadn't been able to cure you, I'd have taken care of you for the rest of my life. You're my girl, Tara, no matter what."

A weak smile appeared on Tara's lips, while at the same time fresh tears leaked from her eyes. "Willow..."

"You're the first woman I ever fell in love with. And I doubt I will ever fall in love with another. And I'm quite positive that I'll never fall in love with a guy again! And you know why? Because you're my life, Tara, and I love you so much, so much."

"Oh W-Willow, I'm s-sorry about what I s-said to you before... everything happened. I didn't mean to d-doubt you. I was just s-so afraid to l-lose you."

"I'm here," Willow whispered.

"So am I," Tara answered. "Forever."

They leaned forward in a synchronized movement, their lips closing the space between them. After breaking the kiss, they embraced once more, holding each other tightly.

There was no telling how much time had passed when they finally returned to the living room, lying down on the blanket again. A glance around the room told them that all the others were still sleeping.

They cuddled into each other, waiting for sleep to come and give them a few hours of peace before the day would begin and with it the painful task of learning to continue their lives without Buffy.

_At least for now._


	2. Magic

"Hey, how's it coming along?"

"It's coming," Willow responded without looking up from her work.

"I can't help it, but this is kinda creepy."

"Yeah, I know. But it'll be better once the head is firmly attached again."

"I guess... She'll be good as new, huh?"

Now Willow did look up, and saw that Xander was staring at the Buffybot, his face graver than Spike's crypt. She swallowed hard and continued working.

They had all agreed that it was better for all of them if no one knew that Buffy was dead. So it was her job to repair the robot and make it ready to take over Buffy's place.

* * *

Later that day, in the evening, Willow was standing at the window of Joyce's old room, staring out at the sky.

"Hey, honey."

Willow turned around and smiled at Tara, who was standing in the doorway, holding a big bag. "Hey."

"I brought some of our stuff," Tara said.

"Good. Good."

"So, will we stay in here?"

Willow nodded. "I figured it makes most sense. I mean, it's been empty since Buffy's mom... And I don't think I could..."

"I think it makes sense." Tara put the bag on the floor and went over to Willow.

"Will, maybe now's a bad time, but there's something else I wanted to talk to you about."

They looked at each other in silence for a few moments, then Willow headed to the door. "I'll just close this then, shall I?"

Tara nodded, sitting down on the bed, and Willow joined her a few seconds later.

"Willow," Tara said, and somehow Willow knew what her girlfriend was going to say before she actually said it, "it's about the thing with the... magic..."

Tara broke off and searched Willow's face for any sign of anger, but Willow just smiled at her patiently, and so Tara went on: "When I said that your power is frightening, well, maybe that was the wrong word, as you do so much good with it. I mean, you saved me, gave me back my sanity, so how could I complain?

"But please, just promise me never to underestimate the impact magic can have. You're messing with forces hardly any mortals ever get to mess with. Magic might have started out for you as a bit of fun with some fun spells here and there. But it's more than that..."

"I know that..."

"Please, just listen for a moment, okay?"

Willow nodded and Tara went on: "You are a powerful witch, Willow, and none of us know how powerful exactly. Just be careful, that's really all that I'm asking of you. Cause I really couldn't bear to lose you."

"You're not gonna lose me, baby. I've got it under control. I can control myself, and I can control the magic."

"So far, yes. But just remember that some forces aren't meant to be controlled by mortals."

Willow suddenly felt as if she was being x-rayed by Tara's eyes.

"Wait, what exactly are we talking about?" she asked tentatively.

"Oh come on, Willow, do you really think I don't know what you've been thinking about all day whenever you weren't busy with the Buffybot?"

Willow blinked, feeling caught red-handed. "I..."

"Do you think it's possible?" Tara whispered.

Willow looked up at her in surprise. That wasn't the reaction she had expected.

"I'm not sure," Willow said slowly, "But... will you help me find out?"

"If you really want to try, we will have to do a lot of research first."

"Maybe we could go to the Magic Shop later! We'll just ask Xander to stay here with Dawn..."

Tara went over to the bag she had brought with her and a moment later she returned with a large book. "No need for that. I thought you might want to take a look at this, so I dropped by the shop earlier..."

"Tara..." Willow's hand closed around Tara's. "Sometimes I think that we're just one soul in two bodies..."

Tara smiled, and before her lips touched Willow's she whispered: "Aren't we?"

"So..." Willow said a few moments later, "you'll help me get Buffy back?"

Tara nodded. "I will. And you'll..."

"I'll always keep in mind what you told me. I'll be careful with the magics. I promise."

Tara gently stroked Willow's face. "I guess we should st-start with the reading as soon as possible?"

"I guess we should," Willow said, pushing her lips against Tara's with a sudden urgency.

"So let's not lose any time," Tara whispered, and those were the last words they spoke for a while.


End file.
